January 7, 2013

My December 2012

Well that's it, 2012 is over and seriously, it was the best year of my life (so far). I had the deepest downs that i've ever experienced but more important: I had the highest ups as well and this mixture made 2012 simply awesome for me. Everything balanced itself...

I looked into a persons eyes and recognized the moment, they lost all faith and trust in me.
I saw the bright smiling faces of people who where amazed to finally meet me in real life and where afraid of what kind of person i might be and they put so much expectations into me.
I discovered that some people are trusting me unconditionally, no matter what and i discovered what a huge responsibility this is.
I discovered that someone, i wouldn't expect calls me the best friend she has.
I discovered that people i called close friends weren't giving a shit about me.
I discovered that real friendship lasts, no matter what.
I loved and i lost.
I loved and i won.
I loved and discovered, that sometimes there are more important things than that.
I discovered that sometimes i simply have to let go.
I discovered, that you should never let go of someone who is really important for you. You have to stand and you have to hold their hands in the moments they slip away to see what the future might hold for you.
I learned, how badly wrong i am sometimes.
I lied to people i loved.
I learned to always say the truth and to fight for my honest opinion.
Someone said "It was really a pleasure to finally meet you."
I cried and thought "i wish, i had never met you."
Someone said "Thank god, i thought i wouldn't be good enough for you."
Sometimes i thought "you aren't good enough for me."
I did good and got good things back.
I worked hard and i was rewarded… sometimes.
I learned to face every situation in my life with an open heart and an open mind.
I learned, that i'm alone in the end.
I discovered, that i can stand everything that's trying to drag me down. I simply have to do. Don't wait, don't expect, do.
I discovered how loudly i can scream at someone who isn't using his full performance and heart for creating art.
I discovered that i can say very, very bad things to people i love and i discovered, how much it's hurts myself, when i do that.
I discovered, that wandering is some kind of home.
I discovered that one single person can be a huge source of inspiration.
I discovered, that people who should be an inspiration can give me the feeling that art is a bad thing.
I discovered that there are some heavy things on my back, that i will have to carry my whole life. And i discovered that it's maybe a good part of me.
I discovered that the most beautiful thing about life is it's ups and downs and the beautiful way, they somehow balance each other perfectly.

At the end of the year, i was doing another daily-photo-project, called "My December" and these are my results. I know, usually the "End of the year"-posts contain many "Thank you"-sentences. But i won't do that now. Simply because i learned to say "thank you" instantly so everyone i'm thankful for already knows.

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